


Punishment for Kate Kane

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batwoman (TV 2019), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Bieber's music is a cause of death, Crack, Don't Like Don't Read, Flames will be deleted, Gen, If you enter that is, Kindly put your torches and pitchforks away before entering, Like not one bit, Not for Batwoman fans, for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 03:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21331600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: Wade pays Kate Kane a visit after her show fails badly due to her propaganda BS to teach her a lesson. Crack fic. Batwoman fans are requested to kindly put away torches and pitchforks before entering, if they enter that is.
Comments: 32
Kudos: 5





	Punishment for Kate Kane

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts), [Phillipe363](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipe363/gifts), [Bl4ckHunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/gifts).

> Disclaimer: I do no own Deadpool, Batwoman or anything else you may recognize
> 
> Those who have followed me for a long time would remember that I wrote this kind of one-shot with Kate long ago but I now realize that was premature. The show is out now, and based on what people are saying, I and everyone who hated the trailers were right about it!
> 
> This is just for fun so don't take anything seriously and don't read till the end if you haven;t put your torches and pitchforks away. This is my way of having fun ya know! And I won't be tolerating flames.
> 
> Man this show has to be really bad considering CW deleted the first two trailers they released for it, and all the golden comments that came with it! Now we only have one trailer for this crap.
> 
> And based on the few clips I saw, this show is unrealistic even by dumb comic book standards. I'd say this show is as unrealistic as the Batman who Laughs, or as I call him- "Laughable Batman."
> 
> To everyone who is going to read this, hope you enjoy.

Kate Kane entered her home. The lights were out currently. She was about to switch them on when suddenly someone whispered behind her, "I'm Batman."

She was startled as she pressed the light switch, revealing a man in a red suit with a mask of the same color who had two katanas on the back.

"Who the hell are you?" She snarled in rage.

"My name is Wade Wilson but you can call me Deadpool." He introduced himself, "And I hope my Christian Bale impression was spot on."

Kate was confused for a moment before Wade said, "And I'm here to talk about the garbage that is your TV show."

"What?" She asked in confusion.

"Specifically, two lines." Wade said, "One is how the suit will be perfect when it fits a woman. The other is- "I'm not about to let a man take credit for a woman's work.""

"Well, the suit wasn't really going to fit me-"

"You could have said that in a way that is not disrespectful to Bats." Wade said, "And your second statement is ironic considering they're making a feminist TV show by riding the coat tails of Batman. Seriously, I just hate this. He worked hard and all that and became Batman to fight injustice. You say you want to be something else and yet you enter his lair and use all of his stuff. Really?"

"I'm sorry I offended your ass." Kate said sarcastically, "But I think its better you get out or I will kick your ass."

"How?" Wade asked, "Wait! I know how. You're like Superman. He gets his powers from the sun's radiation. You get your power from…..virtue signaling!"

He then laughed hysterically as an angry Kate glared at him.

"And really? You dropped out of the academy and never finished training. How can you hope to replace Batman?" Wade asked, "Just proves me right about the show."

Kate snarled, "How dare you insult me and my choices like that? I'm a woman. I'm my own person."

"Really? Because you try too hard ya know!" Wade said, "My middle finger gets a boner whenever I see you. And you changed your suit why? Because you don't want Gotham to have hope? Really? You're no hero. You're a selfish person who only seeks glory which you can't get."

"That's it!" Kate said, "I was right about men it seems. I always have to stick it up to them."

"Well, then." Wade said, "Stick it to this one!"

And then a monotonous tune played in the background as Justin Bieber suddenly appeared. Wade decided he did not want to listen to Bieber music this time so he put on some good classic music on his phone and put on his headphones to avoid Bieber's lethal voice.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go. I can take you places you ain't never been before."

Kate took a look at Bieber and backed off in shock at his appearance and voice.

"Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know. I got money in my hands that I'd really like to blow. Swag swag swag, on you."

Kate gasped, horrified. She was sweating heavily at what she was hearing.

"Chillin' by the fire while we eating fondue. I don't know 'bout me but I know about you. So say hello to falsetto in three two."

She covered her ears but to no avail.

"I'd like to be everything you want. Hey girl, let me talk to you."

And this time, the music affected Kate differently that it had ever affected anyone. She seemed to find Bieber attractive in the moment.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go. Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone."

Bieber was dancing a little as he sang that and she seemed to like it. It looked….hot. Really? But she was a lesbian! How could this be!

"I can be a gentleman, anything you want. If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go."

Kate was horrified by her own thoughts at this point. How could this be?

"Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don't. I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe. I don't never wanna fight yeah, you already know I am 'ma a make you shine bright like you're laying in the snow burr Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend You could be my girlfriend until the fucking world ends Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and Voice goin' crazy on this hook like a whirl wind swaggie."

No, no, no, no, no. She couldn't let a man light up her hormones like. Especially not a man like this one.

"I'd like to be everything you want Hey girl, let me talk to you If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone I can be a gentleman, anything you want If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go."

Bieber's taste in women seemed to have fallen pretty bad. Because right now, he was finding her attractive, which she really wasn't.

"So give me a chance, 'cause you're all I need girl Spend a week wit' your boy I'll be calling you my girlfriend."

He sang as the two were inches apart and Kate was trying not to let his infectious voice affect her. She slapped herself, "You're a woman who likes other women! Stop this!"

"If I was your man, I'd never leave you girl I just want to love you, if I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go (and treat you right) Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone I can be a gentleman, anything you want If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go."

Bieber's dance moves looked seductive to someone with poor taste like Kate Kane. She realized she was…..wet. NOOOOOOOOO!

"Na na na na na na na na na yeah girl, Na na na na na na na na na, if I was your boyfriend Na na na na na na na na na hey Na na na na na na na na na, if I was your boyfriend."

That was it. She grabbed Bieber's face and kissed his lips. She had fooled herself into liking women to stick it up to men actually. She was straight after all.

And in that moment, a new relationship began between the biggest bad singer and the virtue signaling 'heroine.'

"Well, I'm outta here!" Wade said as he got up and snuck out, "Enjoy your slow deaths."

And they did. While Bieber's music had a different effect on her, it still ended up slowly damaging whatever brain cells she had whenever he sang. And while she was straight, her virtue signaling hadn't gone and her propaganda BS kept making Bieber lose whatever brain cells he had has well.

Eventually, Bieber sang to her, "Baby, baby, baby, oooohhhhh. Like baby, baby, baby, noooooooooo. Like baby, baby, baby, oooooohhhhhhhh. I thought you'd always be mine."

And Kate had said to Bieber, "I am a smart, independent woman who makes her own choices and sticks it up to men while saying I'm my own hero even though I have taken all of my resources from a male hero. And I then change my suit to take hope away."

Fortunately, Bieber's music was much more lethal and he continued, "Baby, baby, baby, oooohhhhh. Like baby, baby, baby, noooooooooo. Like baby, baby, baby, oooooohhhhhhhh. I thought you'd always be mine."

Kate couldn't handle anymore. Screaming like a madwoman, she picked up a knife and sliced her own throat to rid herself of the horror of Bieber's music.

Bieber managed to live on for a few weeks but Kate's virtue-signaling had traumatized him so badly that he ended his life by listening to his own music.

"At least the virtue-signaling bitch is dead." Wade said as he looked down at Bieber's body, "The Arrowverse is better without her in it."

**Author's Note:**

> I told you so! If you read this while not putting away your torches and pitchforks, then that is not on me.
> 
> Thank you to Phillipe363 and Stand with Ward and Queen for telling me the BS in the third episode with Kate changing her suit to, listen to this, take away hope from Gotham. That gave the required inspiration to finish this up as I had started this weeks ago but left it incomplete as I really didn't have inspiration for this.
> 
> Anyway, in this, I made Kate realize in this how she actually was straight but was making herself like women to stick it up to men. Mostly for crack purposes because that made this fic a bit different from my other Wade/Bieber fics where the character simply dies.
> 
> I'm fine with LGBT characters here and there but if you're going to make them a propaganda mouth piece instead of a character, then you're only going to make me hate you as well as your mouth-piece.
> 
> CW, learn something from Brookyln Nine-nine, where LGBT characters are characters first, and are not defined by sexuality or anything. Or even Jessica Jones where Hogarth's defining feature isn't her sexuality but her cunning, manipulative brain which makes her do dark shit.
> 
> I'm not gonna tolerate flames on here. So don't bother. I already told you so!
> 
> Damn! Writing this made me feel sympathy for Bieber. Poor guy died due to Kate's virtue signalling.
> 
> Hope everyone who did read this enjoyed.


End file.
